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Are we clear?" Yes sir."My Mom has stayed quiet, letting my Dad handle this. He only stepped in when you had done something really bad. I could see both the caring and disappointment in their eyes. I never wanted to disappoint them. That was the worst punishment I could receive. They got up and left me to think about what I had done.Friday November 29, 2013 – Freshman YearWhen I woke, Tracy was lying on the bed with me. She smiled at me."Good morning sleepy head. I was about to wake you because you have to get to your photo shoot. Kendal will be here in thirty minutes. Go take a shower."When I came out, she had what I was to wear laid out. I just put it on. Sleep was what I needed. Tami, of all people, should know I don't take surprises well. When I was twelve, my parents threw a surprise birthday party for me. I ran away for a couple of hours before I came back. If she had told me Sunday, I would have been fine. Well not fine, but I would have sucked it up for her. I really would. He deserved a final memory, a final fuck. Forces of nature I was still learning about were tearing at my young heart: the force of the closer cold moon was competing with the warm but distant sun. My world was tilting on its emotional axis. Where sun and warmth had reigned now cold and darkness had arrived with creeping unsettled new feelings of discontent finding their way into my soul. I loved him and yet I didn’t did I? How could I protect him from my new “self”? I couldn’t I didn’t think? This was my own personal equinox. Tonight I had worn Steve’s favorite ensemble, the conservative blue Pokka dot dress that camouflaged my youth. The sophisticated dress was hiding the giggly teenage “girl” with the outfit of an older young woman. This more mature facade would ensure we got fewer odd looks at the restaurant than if I wore the ponytail and mini skirt I really wanted to wear. Asian girls are the victims of looking much younger than they really are. Even at twenty many people still.
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